Losing someone so close to me at such a young age began my initial search for life after death. I wanted reassurance that my Mom was somewhere...anywhere...other than in the frozen ground that we had left her in at the tiny community cemetery down the road. Being only 8 or 9 years old and having no conventional religious practice in place in our family, I really didn't know where she was.
I still vividly remember her funeral 33yrs later, how strange I felt, how void of emotion I was. As I sat there in the front row of chairs in the hall beside my little sister and Dad, all I could think of was wanting to play tag outside with the girls from my Brownie group. They were all there because Mom was our leader. The feeling of guilt would wash over me every time someone would come over to hug me and say they were sorry for my loss. I wasn't sad for some reason, never shed a tear that day and actually didn't until many years later. It was as if my gut was telling me not to worry.
It wasn't that big of a deal, she wasn't REALLY gone after all. She just wasn't here...
lovable tribute to to your mother
ReplyDeleteThis isn't actually a tribute to her at all, it's a description of my 8yr old reaction to her death. My tribute to her is the time I spend every day teaching my daughter, granddaughter and nephews every little thing I can remember about her...from her wonderful Shepherd's Pie recipe to putting on annual Christmas hay rides for the neighbors. She had such a beautiful, generous soul and even though I only knew her for that short of time, I make sure that she lives on through these memories I tell her grandchildren and great grandchildren. :D
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